ALLAWEE CRAZE

Wetin bank do me last week, no good at all! In fact enh, e remain small make person get High BP! Thank God for my guardian angel, Angeli Kamoru, wey no gree make I craze! If I tell Una the thing wey shele ehn, mstchewwww!

I dey my own jeje for room early morning dey look my phone. Person wey see me that day go think say I do job interview come dey wait make dem call me say na me dem go give the job but alas! Na end of the month allawee alert I dey await to behold! Infact, I don dey use almighty formula calculate how I go spend the money. I gatz settle all my debt, buy foodstuff, carry bae go flex small and many many. I no know say the witches for my village dey chop shawarma dey laugh me. Na so Nonso burst enter my room, tell me say he don receive alert! “Nice one bro!” Me sef follow am celebrate kon dey expect my own alert. Alert no show! Issorite…

E no too tey, na im I hear the girls for our lodge dey scream! E be like say dem don catch the person wey dey tiff deir pant from line! I run comot! I been wan go watch feem as to how dem go beat the person! As I reach, I see dem dey jump dey hug theirself unto say dey don see alert. I shock! I look my phone, no allawee. I call my Fulani friend wey dey one thick village for Borno, she sef don get alert! Anh?? Kilo shele?… I kon reason say maybe network no good for my room so make I kukuma go siddon outside so that alert go see network, enter phone.

I comot go outside, I put phone for leg, stretch am well. No network for ground. I hold phone do like say I stretch, make people no code say I dey find network. Still no alert! Wahala dey!

Suddenly my phone vibrate! THEIR FADA!!! WHO DEM BE, WHERE DEM DEY!!!! ALERT DON SHOW! AHHHH!!! GUYS SHOW MAKE WE GO CHOP ROASTED YAM!!! Wait!

Vibration no gree stop.

Damn, na phone call.

Mstchewwww.

Who be this wey dey disturb me? Na my babe, she call to tell me say she don receive alert! Wawu! This girl is disrespectful sha! I dey try keep calm, she come dey play reggae for my blues. Okay o.

Anyway sha, as night reach, my temperature don dey reach 150 degrees celsius! I just jejeli go sleep before overheating go evaporate person brain. I cannot kill myself and commit suicide. But that night long ehn! Like say the night no wan finish…

Na bae phone call wake me up the next morning. E be like say Angel Kamoru go meet am last night for dream fight on my behalf. As I receive the call finish, na im I see ‘One Unread Message’ for my phone. THEIR FADA!!!! I DONE GET ALERT!! GODWIN!! My brothers and sisters, if you see the speed I use jump from the bed grab my ATM run commot room ehn!

Mehn! The allawee alert is the beginning of happiness o! I know say most of Una go don experience “delayed transaction alert” at one time or the other, abeg share your own tori…

Corpers Wee!

God bless Nigeria!

God bless her Youth Corpers!

God bless TCD!

 

Na who write the tori? Na Boluwatife Durojaiye (our aunty Kamoru lol) and the usual suspect aka garri lover aka Eromz Adene o

 

© 2018 Adene Eromosele Peter

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