FOLLOW ME TALK

“Corpo! Corpo!!”

“Padi mi Etung! Whats good!”

“Corpo! Corpo! I dey o! Buy mi salad leaf nor”… enh? Wos DAT?   It’s like I’m not understanding??…

My pipu, this na wetin my supervisor for ppa, Mr Etung Titus , been yarn me as I reach work this morning o!

“Sir abeg wetin be salad leaf?” Na em he point to the highly endowed babe wey dey usually sell things for front of office.” Wawu!

“Oga Etung! This babe na real Salad leaf! Me sef I done dey eye am since I come this PPA! I no know if she go gree for me! She even fine join! Ahhh! Oga Etung see her lips nah!!!! Those lips na die! If she just use those lips smile at me just once, I fit spray am all my whole allawee! Everything! Oga Etung abeg arrange this babe for me na!”

He burst laff “Corpo Corpo! Na all the corpers before you like this babe o! So you fit spray am your allawee all???”

“Yes o Oga mi! I fit spray am my allawee all!”

“Okay o corpo! I go see wetin I fit do. But actually, na the thing she dey sell I dey talk about o. Na salad leaf dey inside that her blue bucket.”

“lol Oga Etung, I done cast mysef! You for talk am well na. You know say I never too understand una pidgin yet na”

“No worry corpo, if you dey follow me talk, you go understand quick quick. Oya buy for me N100 own”

“Issorite! Make I see the salad leaf na.” Me na, asper city boy, fine boy, ladies man, sweet mouth, most popular, pink lips good looking guyman wey no too dey show emsef, I con dey expect, cabbage, red beans, sweet corn, ketchup and many many… imagine the falling of my hopes when she bring one mixture of different leafs, onion and palm oil as salad! Lol, I no fit cry as I give her my hard earned 100naira for this konkonbility salad! Chai! I know the kain ticket I for play with that N100. Wetin come pain me pass na say Oga Titus just collect the salad, e no even help me follow the babe talk! I come dey lick lips dey touch bear bear, as I turn look the man, e turn go siddon dey chop em ‘salad leaf’. No wahala na, I go join am chop. I go do my own back. But make I no lie, as I dey chow am, my Goodness! The thing sweet like bangdadadang!! I con dey regret, why I no buy more sef.

After work, I manage waka go market say make I buy small beans cook as hunger don dey waya your boy. As I reach market, na im the sellers begin dey shout

“you wan buy me?”

“Come buy me!”

“Leave am make im buy me!”

Wawu!!!  Una dey sell human being too? … fear catch me, I sha summon small courage, ask one guy say wetin dem dey talk, e tell me say dem dey ask if I wan buy market from their hand.

“Ohh, why dem no ask me like that na?”

“Na wetin dem dey ask you na! Dem dey follow you talk”

Ok na! Na im me sef carry swagger go meet one mama for her shop say “I wan buy you, follow me talk” lol

E no finish for there o… as I reach house, I baff, I chop. Asper CDS dey tomorrow na, make I wash my khaki. I wash am finish dey go spread am for line na im my landlord pikin see me, com ask me

“ you wan dry for bayard?” ahn ahn, I done hear am today!

“Yes. I wan dry for bayard. Hope say you done finish your homework?”

“Yes o! Corpo! I done finish, I get am all!”

“Good boy. I trust say you go get all of them. Sorry, I trust say you go get am all!”

“Thank you sir! You know say my mama go soon lay egg next month? Bring baby tins come when you come see us o!”

“Ahh!!! Your mama na chicken? Abeg leave me make I spread my cloth so I go see something where tomorrow! Mstcheww!!”

My pipu, laff wan kee me, vex wan finish me! I no even know which one to do sef lol. This Ikom pidgin na correct comedy pidgin! E sweet die! lol

This morning nkor? As I wake up, go put my white tennis for window,  make breeze touch am small before I go for CDS,  na im my  land lord wife pass my door, look my shoe, con halla “ corpo, this your shoe sabi smell! E no fine me for face!” See me see trouble o! Is it your shoe? I force you to smell am? Me sef con reply her “if my shoe no fine you for face, e fine me for face. You nko? Your egg no fine me for face!” lol

I think say she go know say I dey joke, but she go report me to her husband lol.

As I dey talk so, I dey CDS meeting, but I no fit concentrate unto say I dey think of all the “highly specialized” ikom pidgin wey I hear all through yesterday and this early moh moh!  I no go lie you! I love am die, the thing just dey sweet me for body. In fact ehn, I don learn another one as I dey waka come CDS this morning… Anyway, I gatz go now, before Presido Tete fine me for not concentrating.

E clear you? Lol…

Corpers Wee!

God bless Nigeria!

God bless her Youth Corpers!

God bless TCD!

Na who write the tori all? Na Boluwatife Durojaiye o

Na who confirm am come add salad leaf, onion and palm oil??

Na city boy, fine boy, ladies man, sweet mouth, most popular, pink lips good looking guyman Eromz Adene wey no too dey blow em trumpet! Very humble! Lol

 

© 2018 Adene Eromosele Peter

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